Friday, January 27, 2012

Closing Entry

I've been putting off this blog post for over a month now. I've rewritten it several times in my head, not knowing exactly how to express myself in words. Writing this final blog post kind of makes the ending of my study abroad trip a reality, and I don't know that I was quite ready to accept that just yet. Also, I think I needed this month at home to kind of wrap my head around everything that was happening.

Since I got back to the US, my life has been going 100 mph.  I arrived home just 2 days before Christmas, so I was immediately thrown into holiday festivities surrounded by all my family...talk about overwhelming. After only about a week to recover (which was filled with babysitting all day long everyday) I moved back to Knoxville on January 4th and immediately started my new job and trying to get to know 14 new staff members and 42 new residents.   Then, on January 11th, classes started for the semester, and ever since, I've been immersed in coursework for three 400 level french classes and one 30 level Spanish. Whew.  Even typing all of that makes me tired.  haha.  I felt like everything around me was moving so fast, and I didn't have time to slow down and appreciate the fact that I was home.

It's an interesting thing, coming home after being away for a semester.  Buildings have gone up on campus since I've been gone, friends have graduated, my brother is now in college, and my friends are getting engaged.  When I was in France, I was so separated from life at UT, that I had an image of it frozen in my mind.  Coming home to changes was an interesting feeling.  It wasn't necessarily a good or bad feeling...just a feeling that took me off guard.  I don't think I realized how much would change in four months.  I don't think I realized how much I had changed, either.  I can't put my finger on exactly how I've changed, but I know I have.  I think I'm a little bit more independent now.  I don't mind spending an evening alone in my room.  It's relaxing for me to have that time to myself to de stress.  Before, I was constantly wanting to be surrounded by people.  Now, I appreciate those times where I can just think and not have to worry about anything.

"How was France?"  This is a question I have been asked at least 3 times every single day since I arrived in the Nashville airport. I usually reply with one word responses like "Wonderful," "Great," "Fantastic," etc.  To really tell you how France was, I would need to sit down with you for hours in order to give a full and honest answer, but only a couple people have given me that chance.  Also, it's almost hard to verbalize the answer to this question.  "Where did you travel?" is an easy one.  So is, "Did you drink a lot of good wine?"  Those questions have concrete answers that people will "ooh" and "ahh" about.  Not many people want to hear about the daily life experiences that made up 95 percent of my time abroad.  So, to save time, I just give the one word answer that most people want to hear.

Now, my trip is all starting to feel like a blur.  I miss the people that I spent so much time with in France.  I miss going to church. I miss the jambon-fromage sandwiches.  I miss taking the tram to centreville just to walk around...especially when the Christmas market was there.  I miss being able to just book a train ticket to somewhere exciting.  I miss speaking French to people when ordering lunch, checking out at the store, or just waiting in line for something.  Just getting a few pictures developed last week to decorate my apartment sent me into a state of nostalgia.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm very glad to be back in America.  America is my comfort zone.  Everything is easier and more familiar.  But, the interesting thing is that after 4 months, France became my new familiar.  I became so comfortable being in France and speaking French in daily life that I had to find that comfort again when I got home.  I have really been able to see a difference in my French level since I've gotten back, too.  I'm much less hesitant to speak in class, and don't have to over-think every single word that comes out of my mouth.

This will be the last post since I'm no longer "en France."  I hope you've enjoyed reading my it, and that I didn't bore you too terribly much.  I've found that I really like blogging, and I think I'll start blogging on a regular basis. (Not just for my study abroad trips)  I've never thought of myself as a very eloquent writer, but at least I'm enjoying it, right?  Au revoir tout le monde. :)